Why You Should Be Nice to Chinese People

With a title like that, how could you not read this blog entry? Well I’m afraid that this post might be more mundane than any other I’ve created before. The reason for this blog: I’m happy. Earlier tonight I saw Sam Raimi’s Drag Me to Hell, which carried the message “be nice to people with mystical powers” like gypsies and goats. The film immediately created a parallel universe in my mind that branched out from an event that happened last week when at the Scotia Square Mall food court.

I ordered the “Chinese Super Special” for $4.99 from the aptly named “Chinese Food” restaurant. The man (of Chinese origin) fixed me a plate and took my debit card for payment. After three failed attempts of using the debit machine, he conceded, asking if I had any cash, I said no (truthfully), and he said that I can go on my merry way and pay him the next time I’m in the mall. I nodded, he nodded, and I walked away, steaming pile of Chinese food in hand.

A few days later, I went back in with my debit card and some cash as well, just in case. I paid the $4.99 plus applicable taxes and the man looked me in my eye as his wife (also of Chinese decent) came out from the back and hollered her astonishment at the fact that I came back. The man shook my hand and I was on my way.

Forgive me if this entry just seems like a big wank-fest of “Look how nice I am”, and “I don’t hate Chinese people, I promise!” On to the point.

Since then, I have had myself a wonderful week, which is weird for me because (1) my girlfriend is gone, and has been gone for four of five weeks, and (2) I’m a very grumpy man. Very grumpy; so much so that I was Pixar’s second choice for Carl…

carl Badum-pish? Sorry, I had to throw in an Up reference, I saw it and cried like a goddamned baby.

Regardless, things have been obscenely wonderful!

Now I’m not proclaiming that I’ve been given mystical happiness-powers from the Chinese (especially ones that operate out of Scotia Square Mall— forgive my “round-eyed devil” perspective) but things have been turning up Milhouse left, right and centre ever since. Therefore, be nice to Chinese people, or you might get your ass dragged to hell...



This was “charmingly racist” at best, wasn’t it?